Yesterday here in the north-west of England snow was forecast. Now anywhere else in the world that would be an accepted consequence of winter, but here it comes as a complete shock and anything more than an inch of the stuff brings everything to a complete standstill. Pathetic I know, but true. Bearing no mind to my personal welfare I ventured out, this I might add was contrary to Big Brother’s advice to stay indoors, remarkably I survived and returned with some photographic images. Then it rained.
Today the sun was shining and it was an all round lovely day. I ventured out and survived this too, despite having no advice from Big Brother as to what precautions I should take. I went to the same place to take photographs and below are the results, as different as horses and cows I think.
Before setting off I searched on the idiot box and the internet for any Big Brother advice about the dangers of a mild sunny day but found none, due to the fact that every single operative involved in government and the media was focused purely on the horse meat pretending to be beef dilemma now affecting our safety. This is what happens when we buddy up to the bloody Europeans, we rub shoulders with the French and Belgians for five minutes and we are eating horse meat.
In England horses are not for eating for fuck’s sake. Horses are for forming weird bonds with young women who spend lots of money on them and love them. Horses are for the upper class to jolly on and lend to politicians in return for absolutely and categorically no payback what so ever. David Cameron can vouch for that. Horses are for losing lots of money on at the bookmakers. The fact that our government has sacked all the food standards testing staff has got nothing to do with the fact there are horses masquerading as cows, it is the fault of someone, somewhere in Europe.
In all honesty it is easy to mistake a horse for a cow. Both horses and cows have got a leg at each corner,a tail at the back and a head at the front, they both eat grass and shit where they stand. They both hang around in fields and they both star in westerns. A clue to the difference can in fact be found in westerns, Cowboys always ride horses. Then again that might add to the confusion now that I think about it.